Father's Day is almost here, and for some this means a happy celebration while for others it brings a painful reminder.
A reminder of loss, what used to be, or what could have been. Or perhaps a reminder of abuse, neglect, or what never was to begin with. Some may be clinging tightly to this Father's Day as it may be expected as one of dad's last. Some may be sitting with regret in their own role as a father. There are many circumstances which may make this holiday a not so happy one.
Because I have already touched on many coping mechanisms and ideas of celebration in the process of mourning, anger, rejection, and many types of loss; listed below are the links to other posts with holiday encouragement and ideas that could also apply to Father's Day and many types of loss; including the loss of a child.
When Mother’s Day Stings: Preparing our Hearts to Celebrate in Grief
Not Easier, but Better: Coping with a Loss Many Years Later
When Valentine’s Day Isn’t So Sweet
Regardless of how you might be currently perceiving Father's Day, please understand that our earthly fathers, no matter how "good" or "bad," are not an adequate representation of our perfect Heavenly Father.
A Perfect Love
Saint Paul states in Romans 3:23, "For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard." This is why it is so important to put our faith in God, who never fails, rather than man- who fails daily.
Even though I consider my husband to be a godly man, husband, and the best daddy my children could possibly have; he will be the first to admit he is far from perfect (as am I!)
One of my daily prayers is that the Lord would help us to love each other, and our children like He does; to treat them with kindness and patience just as He does for us. And He has been faithful to grant us the grace to grow in such love and compassion. But we still have much to learn and put into practice.
Our Father God loves us perfectly. And what amazes me most is that He knows us perfectly- every broken unworthy piece of our hearts. And He loves us fully anyway. He loves us so much that He gave his only Son to willingly die a violent death to heal us, to save us, and so that we may be adopted into His family.
One of the songs we played at our son's celebration of life was "Fully Known" by Tauren Wells. The song begins with the following lines:
"It's so unusual, it's frightening
You see right through the mess inside me
And you call me out to pull me in
You tell me I can start again
And I don't need to keep on hiding
I'm fully known and loved by You
You won't let go no matter what I do
And it's not one or the other
It's hard truth and ridiculous grace
To be known fully known and loved by You
I'm fully known and loved by You"
Hard truth and ridiculous grace- God isn't unaware of our short comings, on the contrary he is fully aware of every single one of them. Yet He loves us! Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
This doesn't mean He embraces our sin, but rather he loves us through our sins and struggles. When we put our Faith in Him, submitting our lives to the Lord with repentant hearts, He brings us from glory to glory (2 Cor 3:18), growing in relationship with Him; growing in godly character.
In Galatians 5, the fruit of the spirit is described as: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. In the verses prior to this, beginning in verse 13, Paul talks about not giving into our sinful nature, what those desires of the flesh consist of, and how acting on those desires can impede our righteousness, holy living, and salvation.
Note verse 24: "And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires." God is Holy, pure, and good. And like any good father he doesn't want to see His children in bondage. Sin is bondage (John 8:34). Often this means discipline. A good father sets boundaries for the good of their children's safety, health, and ultimate happiness- eternal joy; not giving in to temporary pleasures but keeping his eyes kingdom focused (Hebrews 12:-8).
Human Expectations
Even the most loving earthly fathers fall short of this in a variety of ways. And if you had an unloving father, it may be difficult to embrace our Father in Heaven. But your Father in Heaven has a love for you deeper than any other person is capable of loving.
For those Father's that have lost children; even if you can't see it or understand it, you can trust that God loves your child deeper than anyone else can, including you. You can trust God with your child and with your heart. When you submit your life to Christ as Lord, you can be sure that you will see your precious one again in Heaven. The journey of loss can look so different between men and women, so though I know the sorrow of losing children, I don't know it from a man's perspective. I still encourage you to read through the Mother's Day post listed above which could perhaps provide you some sort of comfort or insight.
A Call for Godly Fathers, Grace, and Forgiveness
With Christ as the foundation, fathers are called to lead, protect, provide, and bind the family unit together. But if you didn't have a father like this, remember that God the Father has you and his grace is sufficient (2 Cor 12:9). Remember that because he forgives us we are called to forgive others- which is by no means easy, but unforgiveness is also bondage (Matthew 18:21-35). You can read more about the importance and challenges of unforgiveness in the links listed at the beginning of this post.
If you have acted as an ungodly father, it is not too late to put your trust in Jesus and follow Him, allow Christ to direct your steps and change your ways.
If due to loss you have not been able to fulfill your role as father, take it to the throne, leave it at His feet- if He allowed it, He can redeem it; in His way, in His time, which will be better than you anything you could have planned yourself (Ephesians 3:20).
So going forth this Father's Day, be encouraged that the Lord is with you, and He is for you (Psalm 118:5-6). Don't just ask Him into your heart, allow Him to rule your life. May His peace and comfort overflow in you and your family.